Congratulations!!

Why is it that when I do something "bad", "wrong" or "stupid", I am quick to bash myself. I'm right there to dish out the smack, slap myself down, and bruise whatever sense of worth I have. Yet if I do something good for myself, why does it not occur to me to pat myself on the back or at the very least acknowledge this good thing?

I do think some of it has origins in the way we were brought up in America (or at least when I was growing up). Don't get too big for your britches, don't get a big head, you'll get knocked down a peg or two if you keep it up! Why is this? I suppose that we can conjecture the Puritan roots of this country has influenced this, but really, who cares. All we need to know is to stop, listen and put in reverse.

I plan on writing down all the great things I do, congratulating myself on those things that I may not even notice. Now, I am not talking about helping someone cross the street, or giving someone a hand with their groceries (which are fine actions); what I am setting out to do is bring to my attention the positive actions and thoughts that I am actively making into habits. The positive reinforcement will help these behaviors set in my mind, making them easier and easier to refer to and implement.

My first entry on this list (which I intend to number so I can see these actions grow and flourish)? A serious case of letting go of anger in a situation that occured not so long ago that had had me in the grip of victim hood. I used to relish in replaying my outrage, hurt and pity but it was not allowing me to move forward. Late last week this situation yet again appeared in my imagination. I could feel myself gearing up for a quiet little rant, gathing the litany of wrongs that I had kept with me. Thankfully, I took a Moment. I stopped and asked myself "Is this what I want?". And I realized it was time. Time to finally bid adieu to this maggotty albatross that I had been carrying around. My sadistic thrill in reliving it had died. The moment I made the decision to let go, a big knot of anger released itself from the pit of my stomach and just floated away. The relief was astounding.

I would like to come up with a fancy name for this list, but really, it is the act of writing it that is the important thing. And write it I will.