PUSH

I read a book this morning called "Push: A Novel" by Sapphire. I saw it on the best seller list on Amazon and was intrigued by the story. I was able to borrow it from the library and was surprised that, for a book written in 1997, it would have a relatively long wait. When I finally read it, I realized why.

"Push: A Novel" is brutalizing, grotesque, shocking, uplifting and luminous, all in one volume. It is the story of a girl, Clareece Precious Jones, a 16 year old girl living in Harlem and pregnant with her second child. The father of both children is her father. He has been raping her since she was 6. Her mother, a grotesque woman in many layers of denial, is abusive towards Precious, calling her a harlot and a 'ho because she stole her man. STOLE her man; the man who is raping their daughter. She lives on welfare, never leaving the house and torments Precious with mental, physical and sexual abuse. Yes, this poor girl is sexually assaulted by both parents.

"Sometimes I wish I was not alive," Precious says. "But I don't know how to die. Ain' no plug to pull out. 'N no matter how bad I feel my heart don't stop beating and my eyes open in the morning." She is down-trodden, abused, illiterate, angry and very fat and life doesn't seem to have any way out for her. One day a school administrator pulls her out of class (yes, amidst all this she goes to school) and notes that she is pregnant, 16 and still in the junior high. To Precious' outrage, she is removed from school and placed in a program that meets 3 days a week, preparing its students for the GED. While it seems that the System has given up on Precious, this turns out to be the life raft she has been looking for.

In a small class of 5 or 6, her teacher, Ms. Blue Rain, encourages the girls to write about their experiences, regardless of their level of literacy. All the young ladies have had stories that would make you cry, making Precious realize she is not alone. For the first time in her life, she has a person who cares for her (Ms. Rain), she has friends (Rita, Jermaine and Rhonda) and a place of her own (she eventually goes to a half-way house for young mothers after another abusive episode with her mother). Even a towering road block doesn't slow her down: she finds out her father has died of AIDS and it is discovered that she too is HIV-positive. Fortunately her newborn son, Abdul, does not.

With a little coaxing, Precious comes out of her shell. Slowly she finds her voice on the pages of her journal. She discovers to her delight that she has a beautiful gift for words, her poetry revealing the cast-iron spirit she possesses and the fragile hope she carries with her day to day. While the life she will eventually lead is a mystery, the book ends on a high note. Precious is learning her worth, her beauty, her intelligence and that life has a lot to offer. She vows to do the very best she can for her little son, who is the light of her life. I came away feeling like this girl was going to make something of herself and inspire the hell out of a lot people along the way.

So why am I writing about this? I guess it shows that we can survive anything. That no matter what we have gone through in life, there is always someone who has had a much harsher hand dealt to them. That there is beauty within us all, just waiting to be unleashed and expressed. Simply that we can choose to live this life or be a victim of it.

What am I going to choose? Life, baby, life.