Fakin' It

Today I am faking it. Faking that there is endless possibilities out there for me. Faking that I feel happiness and joy and that this is all going to go well for me. I hold onto this feigned sense of contentment with my nails digging into it, clinging for dear life.

My "Emotional Guidance System"'s alarms have been going off for a few days now, especially when I think about my work life. It appears that my thoughts are not in alignment with what I really want. So I look up to the figurative blue sky, squint my eyes in the imaginary sun and pull myself up by the bootstraps. I am free, I chant, I am free. I own my power. The most important thing today is that I feel good.

There are days that I feel that true sense of joy, happiness, contentment. I savor them, roll them around on my tongue and bank them away for future use. For days like today. I recreate those feelings of elation, knowing that it is going to be okay, even if I don't exactly feel it.

As the day has worn on, there are a few glimmers of genuine sunshine coming through. I hold onto these, reveling in the loosening of that hard knot in my belly. As I was told by Ellie, I close in on the feeling, recognize it for what it is, let it go and state "I am in the process". I need to let go and let the Universe flow through me and guide me.

I want a job I love. I want a lot of money to enjoy. I want to have fun every day. I want to experience great love with my boyfriend, friends and family.

And as I ask, so it is granted...